Film Review: The Invasion [2007]

Cover of The Invasion [Blu-ray]

How could they fuck up the Body Snatchers?

I never reviewed a film before, but after watching The Invasion, 2007 remake of "The Invasion of Body Snatchers", I really feel like it. See, there are some certain things that change the way you think about world, media, or our culture. The Invasion is definitely one of them. I'd say it's that kind of thing you wish you hadn't touched. It's not bad, it's just boring. And boring is the keyword for this review.
I've seen many boring films and episodes, like all 5 seasons of Lost or those 30 boring me shitless episodes of Star Trek TNG, some films from Bland Shit 101, but never. Ever. Experienced. This... rip-off of rip-offs, this...this...mass of unadulterated blandness this film brings about! I mean, HOW COULD THEY FUCK UP BODY SNATCHERS?

 Granted, this is first body snatchers film I saw, but really. I watched clips from the original - and some of them were awesome. But this, on the other hand, it just sucks! So... yeah. I'm disappointed. I really am disappointed. I thought this film, with the modern-day CGI and effects that didn't exist back then, will be the best of the bunch. But it appears that I started with the rotten apple, and this will probably leave bad taste for long time.
Most of the time, there are moment's that don't have anything to do with the plot, some are just fake build-ups, and the driving scenes just suck balls - like they've been doing them on budget. That's not the worst. They leave out some of the more interesting moments, leaving the audience a by-the-book example of a Bland Shit (TM).
The music is the worst. Or, should I say, the lack of music. There is no music, just some random tones loosely matched to what's happening. And if you expect good credits music - be my guest at Disappointment Saloon. Just throw some horror-related rock or pop over it.
Other thing: Daniel Craig - he was in Casino Royale, god dammit, he was Bond! And in this film, he's just... I mean, even in the scenes when he's human, he acts like he's already infected. I know! He must've been on a contract, or just wandered onto the set and they took him. Oh well. It's still up to the script.
And script is just like those printed toilet papers. Characters are so shallow and bland, that if I was to be body-snatched, I'd never picked this film to keep me awake. Seriously, it's so boring! Half of the film, they're just talking, and providing us with exposition which we don't require to watch a body snatchers film! I'd say the writer and the director were somehow trying to pull Uwe Boll!
Also note that it's another appearance of Craig and Nicole Kidman (what's she doing in this film anyway?) together that year, first one being Golden Compass. Maybe they both were on a contract...
Ah, did I mention that they swapped director in mid-film? From the Oliver Hirschbiegel person to James McTeigue character. And Joel Silver, producer of The Matrix also pulled this film. Yeah. from his ass!

I'm lamp-ARR-ski, raging unto bad films of present times.